Schools and Mental Health Crisis – Circle Groups Might Help

I didn’t hear it often, but when I did, it broke me a little: this giant of a middle schooler was crying, overcome with rage and worry.

He had been acting out, as usual, earlier that day in a different class period.

Juan, we’ll call him, was a kind, giggly, and often focused kid who, unlike the other 6th graders matched my height at an inch or two shy of six feet. Juan was in a dramatic and somewhat traumatic 6th grade math class (named Renssaler Polytechnic Institute in the tradition of the school after colleges that our students could aspire to), and he’d been unusually quiet before he had heard official news.

I pulled him out of the classroom, and there in the hallway, just the two of us, he finally told me what he’d learned: He was going to be heading to the principal’s office and would likely be expelled.

Juan’s life story was more complex than average, but some of my students who struggled didn’t even have parents; some were homeless, living on a dirt floor in the shed of a relative; some had parents who were so erratic and explosive, that school was where they felt like their lives actually happened while at home they simply tiptoed around and held their breaths until 7am the next schoolday. One had a parent arrested in front of him. Another had a family member die violently. Some were simply one of many siblings in a loving family that didn’t have enough time for everybody.

The strugglers were also often kids that didn’t have the means to get swept up in a capitalistic culture that prioritized the next toy, video game, or shoe. They had family, and school, and the hope for better down the road. They dreamed of college, every day. (Other students, fortunately, had all they needed.)

Juan cried a lot that day in the hallway. For a minute or so. And then he sniffed, nodded his head a few times, and said he was going to be alright. He told me it would be easier to get his RPI class to practice probabilities without him making jokes anyways (always thinking of others, that one). I told him he was right, but that he’d be taking us with him if he went.

I think about that class, that school, and those kids frequently. Wondering, hoping. Even the ones that got away. Hopefully, they still made their way.

Enter the Circle

Watching the news this weekend, I saw an unusual mental health aid from a teacher, and I’ve been thinking about it all week.

She has her students do a sort of CIRCLE GROUP where they can talk about how they are feeling and support each other.

I know, I know, not every teacher or every school would do this right, with kindness, respect, trust, and clear expectations, but what if some COULD? Watch it HERE and see what you think. Then hit REPLY and tell us.

I think about Juan when I see this and wonder how things might have been different if he could talk about his feelings and name them rather than act them.

I hope he’s okay. Actually, no, I hope he’s golden – manager at a Tesla plant, starting his own side-gig, buying mama a mansion in the hills, land tours through the Sahara, helping giants land some cool projects and making reality of people’s dreams. I hope his head is in a place to allow him to achieve it all.

January 6 Committee Continues Today: Americans Need to Watch and Listen to Each Other

Many normal and apolitical people (people like me) don’t want to weigh into this political stuff like with Former President Donald Trump and the January 6th Committee. I personally don’t want to isolate sensible people who are conservative or sensible people who are more liberal or progressive.

But at a certain point, everyday people do need to weigh in and help others get a sense of how to think, what to think, or what to listen to versus what to ignore.

Today’s news is a complicated blend of biased facts, unbiased facts, misinformation, and flat out lies, so it is important to be skeptical of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE (including me).

Here’s what I think about the January 6th hearings: There is verifiable evidence here and Americans as a whole must be able to come back to some facts we can all agree on. What we believe about some of these facts can be divergent, and that is normal in America, but we cannot pretend that facts do not exist.

There are reasons to still like President Trump or support his legacy, or like President Biden or support his legacy, but we cannot

You cannot trust just what one side says or just what any one news source reports, and I have seen enough to believe that some people are trying to manipulate you.

CLICK HERE or Google “January 6th Committee Hearing Livestream” and/or “October 13” to see what is happening today in Congress. President Trump was just issued a subpoena.

Cycles of Change and Stability – Finding Purpose in the Normal – Great Song

Oliver Anthony Singing

One thing I love about a new semester is that a predictable cycle starts again.

One thing I DON’T love about a new semester is that a predictable cycle starts again.

There is comfort in the sameness and there can be stagnation in it as well.

I’m reminded of the Catholic prayers I recited over and over and over growing up in stogy churches and slow droning ways and how I searched for freshness in the words every time. I often found nuance. I did not always. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

I guess it’s about MINDSET too, and so many things are. I just need to remember to see the positive and move towards the finish lines I want.

This Cycle, Clouds on the Horizon

I begin a cycle again in a strange time, a time of darkness and apathy, of fear and racism and the hints of danger past the ramparts, pennants through trees past the fields. Some seek blood to shape our world into one without the others.

And amidst this, most of us have to drive, cut grass, sauté vegetables, feed the dog, pay the phone bill, and wake up too early for work.

How are we to find meaning and purpose in a world shouting at us, shouting through us, a world so full of distractification devices that people have left the ramparts?

Being intentional matters – setting plans that will either show us meaning or show us the way closer to it. And also not falling prey to the siren call of that which lulls us into our slumbers and atrophy.

I’ve got a few goals for the year myself. Do you?

One Man with a Purpose

In this time of heat before the fall, of the bustle before the semester begins, I found a surprise in the chaos.

Enter Oliver Anthony’s song, “Rich Men North of Richmond,” rich guitar folk twangs and an angry, despondent voice, at the launch of a clown show of a political debate. It was at least a hint of pure life and real human worry at the head of a river of posturing and misrepresentations.

His song may not be for everyone and some are reading their lenses into the words. One thing that many can agree on is that this is a person who sees struggle and wants it to be different. He’s using his song to point to some hardship that many face.

Anthony’s message is worth discussing. It must resonate with people: at the time of this writing, it has garnered 41 million views in two weeks.

Here is an artful song with a shade of a dream that has been shared before and needs to be shared again.

I enjoy that Oliver Anthony responded in a video after the debate and said he wrote the song about those leaders. I can understand that. So many leaders today sound the same: ivy-colored, full of meaningless phrases, and lack of detail about clear action on the hard choices we need to be making. We need humans who listen, who know the feeling of having double digits in the bank account, who remember what it was to say no to something important like food or medicine because those were the only choices.

Let’s let servants and listeners into the white rooms. Let’s ask those who will serve others balance some budgets and make some hard choices.

Join this conversation. Go watch some of the Response Videos (which is apparently a thing? Can you tell I neither Tik nor Tok?). See what others say. What do you think?

We can all do so much better, and we WILL. Let’s do it together.

Read. Think. Come up with simple ideas. And VOTE.

Great Reads: The Urge

The Urge Cover

In my Comp 2 classes, I have started letting my students select a reader and one of my classes picked a great one. (This originally evolved from an issue/worry with Florida’s Governor Ron Desantis’s new restrictions on classroom topics, but in the end, it ended up being great allowing students to have choices.)

The Urge: Our History of Addiction, by Carl Erik Fisher is a worthy read.

Here are a few perks that make this book worth your time (especially for anyone interested in Psychology, CBT and therapeutic fields, and/or medicine):

Great organization and broad overview

The 11 chapters each take a look at one piece of the puzzle as humanity has tried to make sense of the complexities of our urges, from antiquity on through the therapists and treatment centers of today.

This book also moves back and forth between historical stories and Fisher’s own story of struggle.

Fisher is honest and shares his OWN credible tale

I am not always a fan of a memoir story – there are just so many, but Fisher takes the concept of a memoir/addiction story and marries it with a historical focus. It is not too much of either and both parts, the historical and the personal, are stronger for the inclusion of the other.

To explain, each chapter often starts with history, or a historical situation, usually focusing on one historical figure’s story, and then after a few pages, it switches gears to Fisher’s tale. Since high school, he’d been a drinker, and that seemed to accelerate as he got further into college and then into his medical residency. He doesn’t soften his story but instead includes what some would consider to be highly embarrassing moments. He does this to earn credibility – he’s been through his own experience of addiction, denial, failure, acceptance, and recovery.

I do wonder a bit at what choices were made about how to intersperse his story with historical accounts. At least once or twice, shifting gears from the terrors of 18th-century medicine to a Fisher moment and then back seemed a bit abrupt. Then again, I listened to most of this via audiobook, so it might have been more clear in print. Still, perhaps clearer subheadings would have helped with the transitions and with later reference. (At least once, when trying to find a section of his story, or the section about the woman who helped champion Alcoholics Anonymous, I simply could not remember and could not quickly find what I was seeking).

A Global Lens with which to View Addiction and Urges

One of my favorite takeaways from this book arrives in the increased awareness I have at the complexity of addiction and the variety of addiction stories. Chapters 10, 11, and the Conclusion were profound and helped me shift some of my own shame thinking to a place that is more compassionate and nuanced (toward myself and others).

Addiction is biological, and mental, and social. It is a kind of illness and it is a kind of coping strategy. It is far more than just Aunt Rhonda’s continual request for one more glass of wine or a gamer’s just a few more minutes of playing.

In fact, most interestingly, I loved the data that revealed most people can get out of addictive states without any sort of help at all (70% I think?). All readers should pay attention to the Chapter 10 or 11 data on the heroin-addicted veterans retuning from Vietnam in the 1970s. Most stopped heroin use cold-turkey and without help. With help, either social, therapeutic, or through medicines and addiction-suppressing drugs (yes, that’s real – Methadone is one), many people can find more control in their lives.

I’ll read this book again sometime, especially the last few chapters that discussed the varieties of AA programs and the new paradigm with which to view addiction. Some of the earlier chapters, did get a bit into the weeds, though they offered so much perspective on how the Temperance movement led to Prohibition (and why that failed), or how the “War on Drugs” evolved in the late 70s and 80s (and why THAT failed too).

This is just an interesting book (and enjoyable to listen via audiobook) with a highly compassionate, honest, and effective writer. Highly recommended (8.5-9/10).

Departures and Leaps

After teaching writing classes for more than 11 years with Dallas College, I have resigned from my full-time position to light out for other endeavors.

It’s a family move, but I also love adventure and growing.

At first, I wasn’t sure about Florida – I’m more for mountains, hikes, and igloos than beaches, theme parks, and sweating. But I also love adventure, and exploring, and I’m ready for a new chapter. Florida has been, well, adventurous so far.

What is the right math to calculate change? Every family is different, but time, openness, honesty, and communication matter a great deal. And in my math, I’m ready for change.

Dallas College – Closing an Excellent Chapter

Dallas College is still a great place to learn and grow in the right circles. I will always love the writing classroom, and I’ll plan to stay teaching even part-time as long as they’ll have me. I’ve learned so much from excellent mentors (some who still say, “Oh Brian” when I, well, reveal my idiosyncrasies), colleagues, and incredible students.

I’ve been sitting with Maya Angelou’s words lately (she is a huge hero of mine), especially these: “People will forget what you say and do, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

From my colleagues, I felt respected and welcomed, a part of a team. From my students, I have felt (and continue to feel) encouraged, humbled, enlightened. I learned so much from so many, like students who finally took risks and started seriously trying, students who felt bored or confused and told me, students who felt scared and gave up, and especially students who trusted me with the gifts of their stories.

Toward the Anxiety Storm of Change

I’m calling this a move toward something not a move away from something. Logistically and mentally, that’s right. Emotionally I’m there most days, until I feel overwhelmed or the loss, and those are valid, as well. I’ve learned so much from stories and books, and one thing I’ve seen time and time again is that Big Feelings are indicators and all Big Feelings always pass. Someone like Yoda (or Buddha, or Willie Nelson, or Lady Gaga) said that the only constant in the universe is change. To them I say, “Uh, Avogadro’s Number??” Mostly kidding. But change (and Avogadro, and the Golden Ratio) are constants. Someone else wise once said something along the lines of this: “If you’re having a bad day, sit with it because it will pass. If you’re having a good day, sit with it because it will pass.”

Job security is very nice. But sometimes the warmth of being blanket-wrapped on the couch prevents one from getting up and acting on opportunities.

Where will life take me?

Who knows. And isn’t that exciting? (And terrifying?) And a blessing? (And a risk?)

It’s definitely an opportunity to ask myself some universe rattling questions:

  • Who do I really want to be?
  • What do I really want to do with my time?
  • What do I want to be when I grow up? (I personally keep asking this and think others should too.)
  • Should I continue to pursue teaching writing or shall I finally look for careers in miming, circus acrobatics, or snail husbandry?

I’ve got a few ideas and some promising leads (though not with snails). I just hope I have the courage to try for the biggest leaps.

Leaps and Jumping

Here’s an image for you:

I’m standing in a forest on top of basically a tree with the top cut off and no handholds. It’s actually a telephone-style pole maybe 30 to 40 feet in the air with no handholds and a trapeze bar 6 feet away. (the trapeze bar might have actually been 20 feet away.) Oh, and I’m terrified.

A few weeks before my high school graduation, I had gone on a leadership retreat camping weekend with fellow students to explore character or something similarly torturous. I actually don’t remember any of the camp and togetherness crap except for this one moment atop the pole.

Everyone in our group had the opportunity to try to climb this pole (thick nails jutted out on either side for handholds), into the clouds (the pole might have actually been 100 feet tall), attempt to stand on top, feel the swaying in the wind, and then leap off the tentpole to a trapeze bar a foot or two above head-height and probably six feet away.

About a third chose not to try at all.

About another third started to ascend the pole and either got to the top and turned back or didn’t make it that far.

Maybe a quarter of those who ascended (don’t check my fractions) made it to the standing position on the log, but only about half of those actually took the leap (and only a smaller fraction actually reached the bar and fewer held on).

So picture a scrawny 18 year old boy secretly afraid of everything, who never felt like he belonged anywhere, even his own family, staring up at the top of a pole, and sharp enough to already see this as an analogy for life.

To this day, I remember this slightly silly artificial challenge as one of the emotional highs of my life. (I’m afraid of heights but just enough of a daredevil to try high stuff anyways.)

So many of life’s biggest challenges (and opportunities) are just leaps into space. I don’t mean that everyone should leap at every opportunity or that anyone should jump off roofs. Not a good idea. What I mean is that some of life’s finest moments are about picking our poles and making leaps, DESPITE THE FACT that (and maybe also because) they are scary as hell.

I can close my eyes and relive that day: the morning is sunny and bright but not hot. I take a breath and tell myself I’m doing this. I start the climb, making it a routine before I freak out. I feel the swaying, get into a groove and keep going. I get to the top loving the sense of safety with danger so close. I decide I’m going to get my feet from the nails on the side of this pole onto the top of it, despite my body feeling TENSE, anxious, exhilarated, and insane. I somehow manage to cat-paw a hand, then a foot and then another foot to the top and stand up. At this point, I am two miles into the sky and see an astronaut from the ISS waving. I hear voices of encouragement from below, but at this point, they metaphorically are miles away, and I’m alone.

Logically, I know I’ve already decided, “IMMA DO THIS.”

Emotionally, I’m hesitating. I don’t know what it’ll feel like. I can’t picture the arc. (Don’t worry; I’m wearing a rope.) After waiting a bit longer than I intend for fear to disappear (Spoiler: fear never disappears), I leap.

I’d love to say I hung in the air waiting imagining the future before me, but it was all very fast. I managed to grab onto that bar and attach by force of will, swaying, screaming in jubilation, LITERALLY SCREAMING as loud as I ever have. It is the feeling of the divine, the bliss of luck and accomplishment and gratification. The good of the universe. The good of leaping and doing. It was a moment. I can still feel that shout echoing through me.

Right now, I’ve climbed another pole. The world seems miles away, but I do hear some encouragement from below. I’m older, more in touch with my fear and will but not more in control of them. I’m leaping, and I know I’ll be okay, but I’m holding my breath, reaching.

Great Reads: In The Midst of Chaos, Calm

Want some thinking about how to find calmness in the middle of a chaotic day, week, month, summer, or life? (More about MY chaotic summer soon…)

Try reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I always feel a bit like a kid out of my element when I read philosophy or spirituality stuff, but this is hitting all the right spots with where my mind is right now.

Here is a Link to the Goodreads Page for the book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The_Power_of_Now

Small Note of Warning: I’m listening to the Audiobook and I think that helps a lot. For me, it’s also best in short bursts, of somewhere between 10 and 30 minutes at a time. Much past that and I find my mind drifting. Hope it helps!

Disinformation & Propaganda: The Issue that May Divide and Crumble the World

Maria Ressa, one of the most well known journalists from the Philippines, fighter for FACTS, and as a result, winner of the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize, is sharing right now (Wednesday, April 6) about how fragile Democracy is right now.

She is speaking as part of the Atlantic’s Conference on Disinformation. What an incredible magazine addressing an important topic.

What do you know about this? How do you vet and sort whether information (from social media or news) is reliable?

Ressa: “[Democracy] all rests on the facts,” meaning that real discourse depends on real conversations where individuals and sides discuss from the same truths. That is happening less and less these days.

Ressa is full of such great information!!!

Conference on Disinformation: YouTube LIVESTREAM LINK.

April Fool’s Day Rules

Pranks are fun! (If done right…) – Photo taken from Unsplash- Banash Photography

Pranks and jokes are fun. They can lead people to laughter and high emotions. But there can be a right way to create the best pranks.

For those who may not be aware, April Fool’s Day every April 1st is a tradition where people prank others and then say “April Fools!” as a way to show that it was all a joke.

This could be as little as the rubber snake left in the oven or in pots (but not for a person who turns on the oven before looking in the oven) or as big as multi-person scripted scenes to get a person lulled into a false reality.

Here are a few rules that I have found that make better April Fools Pranks.

1. Prank NEGATIVE not positive.

Why play a negative prank rather than faking something positive? Because if you share that your mother won the lottery, then the “APRIL FOOL’S” reveal is a real let down. These can be almost cruel if they go on too long. I much prefer when the “APRIL FOOL’S” moment can also be a sigh of relief. No the doctor did not call and ask me to come in to talk about the biopsy. No we are not actually behind in the mortgage payments. No, your wife’s wallet is not mysteriously missing. No your son did not get called into the school office for something mortifying.

2. DON’T PRANK TOO BIG. Prank small or medium – it’s more believable.

Rather than sharing that you saw military guys with rifles in the backyard, just share that you heard a noise that worries you (although this can be cruel for the anxious – see bullet 3: know your audience). Don’t share that your daughter attacked someone violently. Share that she did something inappropriate (that could be seen as embarrassing or just amusing). Don’t say you’re dying and the doctor gave you 4 weeks; say you found a lump (though that one can induce anxiety too – see number 3).

3. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

Know what people are afraid of? Use that to some extent (but maybe don’t play on people’s anxieties if they struggle with these anxieties, so people afraid of intruders should not be told there is an intruder; that’s cruel). Have a dad who’s always talking about how “They’re out to get you” about sales people or something similar? Definitely use that. Share how you got sucked in by a charlatan. Perhaps, for example, a man showed up selling solar panels as a great way to save money or even make passive income, but if you just give them $100 now, you can get into a half price offer deal when they come by next month. Isn’t that great!? You’re going to get solar panels half price! Have a brother-in-law that loves a deal? Use that in a story to everyone else in the family (with the brother-in-law’s permission – shared pranks are even more fun).

4. TIMING: Bury the lead and don’t take it too long.

Bury the lead means that pranks are more believable if you don’t walk into the kitchen smiling and say “Guess what?” Have a normal conversation and then, in the middle of it, casually drop the start of the prank. Oh yeah that is a great show. Hey, by the way, we’re going to be getting new solar panels for half price.

Also, don’t take things too long. Recognize that negativity (in a prank) does have physiological effects. If you really get someone believing your play, don’t tell them something terrible and keep it going all day long. Don’t be cruel. Get in, play the prank, and get out (within the same conversation or at least the same visit/call).

5. USE THE A-HOLE DOUBLE-CHECK TEST

After you come up with the prank, ask yourself this, “Could anyone who heard this take it the wrong way?” or to be more clear, ask “Is there anything about this prank that is racist, sexist, or inappropriate?” Don’t get fired. Don’t become that guy/gal who everyone remembers from the really inappropriate joke. If you’re not sure, ask someone who has more sense than you or DON’T DO IT. Humor is a blast, but not if it bombs, and definitely not if it hurts other people.

Good luck! Get creative, and have some mischievous fun! (Loki would be proud….)

GREAT READ: The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

The Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt, is a wonderful, interesting Social Psychology light book (240 pages) rich with thinking that will be remembered for years to come.

The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

This book uses narrative writing to start with the concept of a divided mind (by the way, the first chapter is free online on Haidt’s [pronounced “Height”] WEBSITE). This is one of the main analogies that will stick with me for years: Haidt’s divided mind is not two people arguing in a room or Freud’s Ego, Id, and Superego. Haidt imagines an ELEPHANT with a little rider on top. The elephant is everything we want to do and much of what behaviorists and social scientists know about human psychology, some of which we are born with. The RIDER (I guess the prefrontal cortex) is really more of an advisor to the elephant, since it’s one of the most recent adaptations of our powerful brains. It doesn’t control as much as we think it does.

The rest of the book takes that analogy and explores 2) how to shift the mind/elephant, 3) Reciprocity and human nature, 4) Hypocrisy, 5) Where happiness really comes from, 6) Attachments, 7) Adversity, 8) Character, and Morality and religion before wrapping things up.

It’s a brilliant narrative explanation, interpretation, summary, an analysis of SO MANY other experiments, literary works, historical texts (including the “three great zones of classical thought: India…, China…, and the cultures of the Mediterranean….”).

Readers who have read a lot will recognize some of what he discusses, but I’ll imagine they’ll find his way of weaving all of this together as mostly fresh. Readers who have not read as much philosophy (which I will admit I often find generally dry and boring) will find a profound wealth of new texts and references to explore.

Unless you’ve read a hundred books that sound similar, this is one of those books that every human should read. It explains a LOT. This is a book I will definitely read multiple more times in my life, and I have a lot of books. Anyone wanting to know why people behave the way they do, or why they can’t seem to diet, or get over their anger, this book will give you more clarity.

NOTE: Just so readers know, Haidt tends to lean more left in politics and he states that he is an “atheist,” but in my opinion, he treats all of these topics and conversations with grace and awareness – I think even most/many religious readers (definitely agnostics or spiritualists or Buddhists) and many conservatives will still find this read fully worth their time.

One Professor Admits to Using Drugs and thinks Society Should Accept Some Drug Usage… (By the way, I’m not talking about me.)

man standing in front of people

If you wanted to share something with your boss that might help that person and others change their minds about an important situation, but this share could get you fired, would you risk it? What if by sharing this thing, it might save the lives and livelihoods of others?

Enter Carl Hart, Columbia University Professor of Neuroscience. Well respected in his field and community, Carl Hart recently told everybody that he does drugs. Like ALL the drugs. Pot, “Bath Salts,” cocaine, and even heroin. What does it say about our society though that many people will hear “does drugs” in the same surprised and reproachful manner as if I said he attacks people or shoplifts for thrills? By the way, Carl Hart is a black man, which does affect how this conversation will play out. Many in the US have a lot of anti-black-person biases without even realizing it. And by the way, if you just said “Not me,” there’s a strong chance you have some biases buried in your head somewhere (most white people do, even us well intentioned ones).

Carl Hart seems to have shared this personal attribute in order to attempt to change the conversation about demonizing drugs and sending everyone to prisons. Is his disclosure insane? Is it brilliant?

I am NOT advocating people tell their bosses, “Woohoo, I’m a pothead! Suck it!” There is a risk to disclosing aspects of daily life, especially things considered crimes by society. And addiction is real, and many who use drugs, some who simply try drugs once become dependent and addicted. Sharing that people are breaking laws because the laws are flawed does not mean these individuals won’t have to suffer consequences.

However, standing up and saying something is wrong is often the only way to change society. Fifty years ago, it was unlawful for a white person to marry a black person. Six years ago, it was not possible for two people of the same sex to be married (in most states and in the eyes of the federal government). In 1963, it was lawful for states to impose arbitrary tests before any person at their discretion could vote. (Nowadays, some politicians of similar mindsets just reduce access to voting by limiting mail-in ballots or early voting. Same effect. Fewer black people can vote.)

Welcome to the gray area of present-day dilemmas: there is often no clear right or wrong. Is Carl Hart a hero? An idiot? Somewhere in between? Do you think he’s simply doing this for selfish reasons so he can keep doing drugs in peace or do you believe him that he wants change for all those charged and incarcerated for nonviolent drug crimes? Is he an addict and just doesn’t admit it to himself? Is anyone able to make that assessment other than he and his workplace supervisor? What do you think about this or ANY of these issues?

https://www.chronicle.com/article/why-a-columbia-neuroscientist-acknowledged-using-heroin